too much fluffy love

as amazing as i think my life is...my life actually sucks. there are many reasons why i say that, but the one in mind is this: i am not a self motivator. i wasn't born with that gene. my extremely laid back attitude works more against me than it does for me. i have to remind myself that i no longer live in relaxed jamaica....this life is the real world.

there are soo many things i want to achieve and yearn to achieve, a fuller life i want to live, but to be honest with you, the love i have for doing nothingness trumps any sort of future i want to have. i've tried to change it, tried to push myself; made daily to do lists, gotten up super early and went to bed late, created and posted mantras all over my room, and it works for a little bit, life becomes crazy productive and then i fall off the wagon into my fluffy white fluffiness.

maybe i need to spend more time creating better habits, self motivational habits.
do i need to pray for God to change my ways? or do i need to burn my bed and sleep uncomfortable on the floor?

if my future happiness is not motivation enough for me, than what is? like really....?

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inspiration anyone?

i need to get to writing. and memorizing. i have a show coming up sept 3rd and i need to memorize at least 2 more pieces, so far i know i'm going to perform 'cook' but not sure about the other 2.

inspiration anyone?

friday afternoon i have a photo and video shoot for another show i will be doing and i need to write a piece for that...and my pen hasn't touched a page in ages!...sigh.

inspiration...please

i have soo many stories to tell you guys though, stay tuned :)

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no more lyme for me...thank you

i hate to admit it but i'm discouraged. it's like i want to write really badly...but, it's just whatever.

August 5th was the first night of the Lyme and Tings competition, it's set up american idol apollo style, complete with judges (4) and a bell if they want you to stop because they weren't feeling you. i was third on the roster, nervous as hell, but i knew i was gonna kill it. and i did with 'skin on skin'. 2 judges were feeling me, 2 gave great constructive criticism, the audience loved me....
a number of the contestants after me, got stopped in the midst of their performances, many of them straight up sucked...

but at the end of the night, i got cut. and it hurt. really badly. the nightmare i had a few nights prior to the show actually came true.
maybe i was too over confident, thinking i'm this hugely great thing, when in essence i'm not.....because i got cut. mind you, i didn't go looking to be in this show, one of the producers came up to me after seeing me perform and asked me to be in it, i told her no but she wouldn't take no for an answer. not only did getting cut stir up a hidden thing (i don't even know what to call it), but it helped me reach the decision that i highly doubt i will ever be a part of a competition ever again.

ohh, and then one of the judges who was last years winner went up and sang. O_o
it was unimpressive. very unimpressive. they need a new winner....

and the whole night even before i heard the results, i was saying to myself ' i hope sweet thing won't be disappointed in me '...because i just knew i was going to get cut.

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