too much fluffy love

as amazing as i think my life is...my life actually sucks. there are many reasons why i say that, but the one in mind is this: i am not a self motivator. i wasn't born with that gene. my extremely laid back attitude works more against me than it does for me. i have to remind myself that i no longer live in relaxed jamaica....this life is the real world.

there are soo many things i want to achieve and yearn to achieve, a fuller life i want to live, but to be honest with you, the love i have for doing nothingness trumps any sort of future i want to have. i've tried to change it, tried to push myself; made daily to do lists, gotten up super early and went to bed late, created and posted mantras all over my room, and it works for a little bit, life becomes crazy productive and then i fall off the wagon into my fluffy white fluffiness.

maybe i need to spend more time creating better habits, self motivational habits.
do i need to pray for God to change my ways? or do i need to burn my bed and sleep uncomfortable on the floor?

if my future happiness is not motivation enough for me, than what is? like really....?

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