love day #18...the end of love

>> Tuesday, October 19, 2010

i am bowing out of this months blog a day challenge, i haven't been giving it my 100%  and i need to re-evaluate my love of blogging, should i fight to rekindle or let it pass....

leave me your thoughts and i will see you soon.

losts of love to those that will finish, you guys are amazing! keep it up :)

love you all! Muah!


love day girls..

smart girls are rarely smart when they are dating the man of their dreams. ls


love day #16...rekindle the love?

>> Monday, October 18, 2010

at what point do you give up on something you love, or use to love.
what if you want to love it again, do you do whatever you can to rekindle that flame? or do you leave it alone? is that a situational situation, where people differ from objects or hobbies? or is all love the same?
do you hold on to your love of ice cream as fervently as you hold on to your love for your significant other.

i say all of this becasue i need to decide if i shoulr hold on to my love of blogging, or if it like other things was just a passing phase.

this is an interesting topic, i feel the need to revisit it.


love day

>> Saturday, October 16, 2010

'to truly love someone is to admit the possiblity of failure and to love inspite of it' la moi


love day #14....everyone's love story

>> Friday, October 15, 2010

a few days ago, i was in the dollar store, and an older east indian woman caught my eye and my attention. she wasn't good looking by any means, and i would even call her ugly, i stared at the wedding ring on her finger and the stands of grey hair and the thought was spoken to me 'she has a love story that no one will ever know.' and that really opened my eyes to everyone around me... everyone has a love story.

the people that we see on the road, randomly passing in and out of our lives, the ones we mistreat because we have a bad day, the ones that mistreat us, and the ones we don't give a crap about...everyone has a love story. a defining love story, one of pain or one of happiness.

since that epiphany, i have been seeing people in a whole new light. let's see if that ephipany changes the way i interact with others.


love day #13...keeping it real though...

>> Thursday, October 14, 2010

i'm sick.
really sick. snot running, head aching, eyes burning, body shaking sick.
i'm pretty sure snot got into my nose as i was wiping it.

but keeping it real though....the one thing i love about being sick is the weight i lose from not eating.
i'm just sayin...

what do you guys love about being sick.


love day #12...let me remind myself

>> Wednesday, October 13, 2010

i'm not in a very love mood tonight.
i'm very pissed right now.
thanx dad. *kiss teet*

let me remind myself...'i am love'
                                      'i am love'
                                  'i am love'


love day #11...a chance at love.

>> Tuesday, October 12, 2010

the idea [of love] and the reality [of love] are very different. beautifully so, or horribly so it like everything else deserves a chance... LS

what does that even mean.....?


love day #10...*deuces*

>> Monday, October 11, 2010

when someone abuses the privilage of being in your life, take the privilage away..LS

love yourself enough to not be put on the shelf, to not be on hold, to not be a doormat that has the welcome stomped and worn out. love yourself enough to be able to walk away, whether it be out of pity, out of pride or out of fear. there is only one you, and you only live once, and your joy only depends on you and no one else. unconditionally love you enough to say enough is enough.

(that looks wicked when it's done with confidence)


love day's true story.

there was a dead gopher lying in the road. hit by a car, it's motionless body was broken and sad looking. who knows why it was crossing the road, but on the other side was another gopher sitting motionless. waiting for it's friend to get up. unmoving. just waiting. flight or fight, danger must have been telling it to run, but it just sat there waiting and hoping for it's friend to get up so they could continue their journey.

true story.


love day love list

>> Saturday, October 9, 2010


#1 love me
#2 love me enough to be comfortable any size that i am...even when i gain that extra booty
#3 love my bad hair days, it will force me to be my creative self
#4 love my fear, because it will make me angry enough to stomp past it
#5 love my randomness, because no one does random quite like me
#6 love my past, and accept it as only my past. it has made me who i am and i am not ashamed.
#7 love my inablity to wake up in the mornings, what can i say, God made sleep sweet
#8 love my innappropriate use of the english language, just because i say molest doesn't mean a child is in danger of being touched.
#9 love my tears, happy or sad, there are some days when i need to be emotionally cleansed
#10 love me some more.

what is on your '10 love to do' list?


love day #7...and if you don't know, now you know

>> Friday, October 8, 2010

i love vodka and crystal sue me.
...preferably the strawberry banana one.
...and if you don't know, now you know *singing*


love day can just call me lamoi

>> Thursday, October 7, 2010

what if love is not something to feel, but something to be?

because when love is wrapped up in your feelings, circumstances, situations, and bad days can and will affect the way you act and especially the way love. those around you comment 'you don't seem yourself today', your job suffers, your relationships suffer and your well being suffers. you look less like yourself and more like the miserbale old lady down the street surrounded by cats that aren't even hers.

but when you are love, when love seeps from the depth of your being, no matter what fallacies interrupt your day, love is the only way you know how to be, and so you love unconditionally. facing the world with a different, brighter, more optimistic point of view. even the most hated situations turn out for your good.

i'm trying to teach myself how to be love. how to find love and hold on to it, and melt into so that it becomes
me. i've been in that place with no love and when my love is wrapped up in good days and crapless sidewalks, it gives people power over me, it allows situations to hold my joy captive, only being joyful when i feel to love. so it's time for me to be the love. i own me. God owns me. i own my joy. i own my happiness. it is wrapped up in me.

i am love.
but you can just call me lamoi ;)


love day love life

>> Wednesday, October 6, 2010

"I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far."


love day #4...fandangle me please

>> Tuesday, October 5, 2010

 'i love big earrings! if i was eve, that's all i would wear...and some hot heels' -LaMoi

I DO! i lust love big earrings! the bigger the better. my feeble yet valid reasoning is because i have short hair, almost no hair really, so i need something to fandangle my face. you might say 'highlight' i say 'fandangle'. i'm constantly on the lookout for awesome and unique big earrings, like the ones that hurt your ears when you use the phone so you have to take them out, or grin and bear it (i grin and bear it)

my mom hates my lust love for big earrings, she thinks they are loud and vulgar and tacky, i tell her it's because she's old and doesn't understand youthful 27 year old things *shrugs* if you see any or know of any HOLLA AT ME!

and coupled with my hatred of clothes and my obsessive compulsive need for hot shoes...i'm a big earring wearing, hot heeled naked mess. and i LOVE it!



love day #3...the love we all intensify

>> Monday, October 4, 2010


love day #2...a new definition

>> Sunday, October 3, 2010

i've been struggling for the last 15min to write about this months which is weird because i'm sooo in love with love and the concept of it! the fact that we have the ability and capacity to have an intense emotion about someone or something (like the mini cupcake in my hand...if i could i think i would marry it) blows me away. so then why is it so hard for me to write a blog post about it. maybe it had to do with the conversation with sweet thing that ended abruptly because he was annoyed by me, rather something i said...i guess it affected me because i love him.

that awkward couple moments brought a lot of thoughts to my mind, but this one thought in i really love him? how do i know? couldn't it be just my heart using me as pawn because it's bored?

i think i need to re-evaluate my definition of love, like seriously, because hurt, stupid circumstances, and stupider past relationships has skewed my vision and impacted my definition of love...just a TAD bit.
so i guess this month will do just that, help me redefine love, what it is and what it's not. who deserves it and who doesn't? when is it mine to give and when is it mine to take away?

but one thing is for sure....i sure do love my mini cupcakes (cue wedding bells).

Love you all! *MuAh*


love day #1: my eternal struggle

>> Saturday, October 2, 2010

this is the poem i wrote and performed oct 1, 10. in a flurry of anxiety, fear, and sadness...pain was there too. i hope you feel what i wrote.

my eternal struggle

there was little girl, born in sun, and pain
birthed from the womb in the midst, hymns, and worshipful melodies
she lived happy, and loved freely,
dedicated like Samuel to the one who created her beauty,
life was grand until...

that one day, that one minute like the happenings of most life shattering things
the roof tore off her house, and just flew away
and she should have gone with it
because her childhood as she knew it was now over
forced to move away from all that kept her safe
she embarked on a journey to the land of promise
she went looking for butterflies and fairytale dragons
leaving her daddy and meeting a farmer on the way.
and at the precious age of 6 she dreamed of conquering the world
and making everyone love her,
but instead she was the one that was conquered
in that bed. in that pink room. under those covers.

kisses, hugs, grownup passionate rubs
too young to be taught otherwise
never feeling confused, because this is what she knew
the sensations seemed right
and when told to shhhhh!
she didn’t mind, because she knew that all little girls played love in the dark

but how could no one see?
how could no one see that she couldn’t even no longer sp...sp...speak

grade one to five this little girl never understood
why other little girls wanted to kiss her...too young to be taught otherwise
she accepted the love she no longer was given in the pink room.
now she was searching, eyes quietly asking ‘why don’t we play love anymore?’
because they didn’t kiss anymore
and they didn’t talk about it was like her death never happened.
life happy, love freely... not anymore

high school...all the boys loved her
wanted to score her, they reached out to touch her,
never the easy one the boys never got the best of her
but she fell in love with one, with a smooth one
who taught her love the right way
he loved her unconditionally and she wanted to marry him
but a confused heart is an unfaithful heart

and that one year at summer church camp
when a boyish she four years younger than her declared ‘i want you to be my girl’
her mouth said no! i don’t swing that way,
because she now knew that way there was hell to pay
but her heart mouthed her consent
and loving her boyfriend, this girl played body games with she
in the back the countrystyle way

all the while struggling to fall in mad love with the one
who knew her most ugly being. after all she was the daughter of his servant
and like a good PK she never even questioned if he had designed it
because she always knew that somehow, she had deserved it.

coming out to her boyfriend one thanksgiving,
a pastors son, hoping he would right her wrongs
and drag her if kicking and screaming towards the light
she made the call...
ring...ring....hello baby, i think i’m bi, and that was lie, because she knew
but he didn’t pray for her, he didn’t stand ainst her pain,
he didn’t rebuke the gain of hell and loss of heaven,
he wronged her when he loved her unconditionally
‘cool guy that’s ok, i’ll love you anyways, but i’ll be devasted if you leave me for a G’

the men she would come to know, never called her nasty
was never disgusted by her, but loved it
and wanted to see it in person after their church service

and then she realized she was alone. left in the dark room
to fend of her demons, she prayed for herself. stood with herself.
kept to herself. fasted by herself. and rebuked the sinternet by herself.
unable to tell her blood bought friends for fear of hugs lacking
genuine love and filled with shallow scriptures and tight with judgement,
fear of steps retreating to her open back, armourless absorbing words
and cold stares‘ i always knew she was like that’

at night i hate that i am that girl
at night curled up in a ball of distress
bawling out my distress in prayers and my most painful sincerety
i think God, you hate that girl too
because i’ve fasted, i’ve prayed, i’ve filled
my time with things of your design
worshipping freely, dancing in your liberty
you love me? but not enough to rid me of my love of she

so i look to paul who tells me to take off the old man like a worn out baby tee
but this tee fits too tight, stuck on my body anchored by this thorn in my side
like the woman with the issue of blood, i’ve been bleeding
i’ve been crawling, but is the crowd to loud
i think so, because i can’t hear my healing
my deliverance has been years late
i want to be 6 again, still in the sun, with my mommy and daddy
living happy and loving freely
deliverance i can’t reach. but deliverance i can achieve
found at the blade, breaking open my wrists
and letting the red redemption drain me

and even if you hate me, even if you ignore my blood stained tears
i will continue you to love you. i will continue to cry out from my infirmity
because it is death to me and you are life, so to live, i will die.
even if that means to pluck out my eyes to see only you, i will
because you are altogether lovely, althoghter worthy, altogether wonderful to me
and in this death, i will once again see heaven the way i did when i was 6
free from my love of she.

i’ve since forgiven the girl in the pink room, though we are family
only a few years older than me, i understand she was searching
for her love too. and though i am still broken, this new man will hold me together.
and one day it will be like that first death never happened.
live happy, love freely, i will once again. oct 1, 10


about time...

it felt that it's about time. for a lot of things.

one: another blog a day challenge. i did one a few months ago, and it was great! so challenging and eye opening for me, and as life will have it, it got busy, so i stopped blogging for a while. but it's time for another one. this time i will be doing a theme, and it will on love...i know it's huge and general, but that the's beauty of it.

two: i struggled with this for a while, prayed about it, cried and was scared about it, but i did it! i shared the most painful, dreadful, personal poem about myself. i basically came out to a group of people, many including my friends and a church sister...sweet thing was there to support me and i couldn't have done it without his support. i was terrfied, but i survived through it. i will be posting it, so you all can read it.

i hope all of you are doing well!
love you all *muah*


too much fluffy love

>> Tuesday, September 28, 2010

as amazing as i think my life life actually sucks. there are many reasons why i say that, but the one in mind is this: i am not a self motivator. i wasn't born with that gene. my extremely laid back attitude works more against me than it does for me. i have to remind myself that i no longer live in relaxed jamaica....this life is the real world.

there are soo many things i want to achieve and yearn to achieve, a fuller life i want to live, but to be honest with you, the love i have for doing nothingness trumps any sort of future i want to have. i've tried to change it, tried to push myself; made daily to do lists, gotten up super early and went to bed late, created and posted mantras all over my room, and it works for a little bit, life becomes crazy productive and then i fall off the wagon into my fluffy white fluffiness.

maybe i need to spend more time creating better habits, self motivational habits.
do i need to pray for God to change my ways? or do i need to burn my bed and sleep uncomfortable on the floor?

if my future happiness is not motivation enough for me, than what is? like really....?


inspiration anyone?

>> Wednesday, August 25, 2010

i need to get to writing. and memorizing. i have a show coming up sept 3rd and i need to memorize at least 2 more pieces, so far i know i'm going to perform 'cook' but not sure about the other 2.

inspiration anyone?

friday afternoon i have a photo and video shoot for another show i will be doing and i need to write a piece for that...and my pen hasn't touched a page in ages!...sigh.


i have soo many stories to tell you guys though, stay tuned :)


no more lyme for me...thank you

>> Wednesday, August 18, 2010

i hate to admit it but i'm discouraged. it's like i want to write really badly...but, it's just whatever.

August 5th was the first night of the Lyme and Tings competition, it's set up american idol apollo style, complete with judges (4) and a bell if they want you to stop because they weren't feeling you. i was third on the roster, nervous as hell, but i knew i was gonna kill it. and i did with 'skin on skin'. 2 judges were feeling me, 2 gave great constructive criticism, the audience loved me....
a number of the contestants after me, got stopped in the midst of their performances, many of them straight up sucked...

but at the end of the night, i got cut. and it hurt. really badly. the nightmare i had a few nights prior to the show actually came true.
maybe i was too over confident, thinking i'm this hugely great thing, when in essence i'm not.....because i got cut. mind you, i didn't go looking to be in this show, one of the producers came up to me after seeing me perform and asked me to be in it, i told her no but she wouldn't take no for an answer. not only did getting cut stir up a hidden thing (i don't even know what to call it), but it helped me reach the decision that i highly doubt i will ever be a part of a competition ever again.

ohh, and then one of the judges who was last years winner went up and sang. O_o
it was unimpressive. very unimpressive. they need a new winner....

and the whole night even before i heard the results, i was saying to myself ' i hope sweet thing won't be disappointed in me '...because i just knew i was going to get cut.


a little more...

>> Friday, August 6, 2010

today is friday, and that means my family had pizza today.
that also means i learned a lesson today.

let me interject with; my family loves pizza! i love pizza! on pizza nights we usually have 4 slices each person, so when my sister informed me that we were only allowed 2 slices each, i immediately got whiney and annoyed. over pizza. the sad thing is when i started complaining i got a mental image of children with swollen bellies and flys lounging on their foreheads. needless to say the shame was immediate.

a little more thankfulness please.


it's me again

>> Monday, August 2, 2010

hey everyone!
i've been MIA, as i hope you've noticed. since the blog-a-day challenge ended, i've been on a hiatus from blogging, and in that time i've realized that i have lost the passion to blog continually...i don't know what that means for 'pearls and rubies' right now, but i'll be here until i find out.

life has gotten really crazy for me, yesterday (aug 1) i was a part of the irie music festival. what an amazing opportunity! i shared 4 pieces (i make love to words, anonymous lives, love, and butterflies) with a crowd of great people, sharing a stage with 3 other great spoken word artists, and i got paid for it!

starting this thursday, i will be a part of a apollo style competition consisting of singers, mc's and spoken word artists called 'lyme and tings' and not only that, i was also chosen to help promote the competition by appearing on tv doing a piece...whew

i also have a show coming up in septemeber...whew again.

poetry guy (sweet thing) and i have gotten back together, and i am sooo happy it's crazy how happy he makes me.

also, check out my poetry blog where you can buy prints of my pieces coupled with my photography.

that's it for updates for now.


tgif: babysitting gone wrong

>> Friday, July 16, 2010 funny!


open mic performance 'love'

>> Wednesday, July 14, 2010

here is my open mic performance at the livest open min spot in toronto 'acoustic soul' held at the trane studio...enjoy!


a true love story never ends

>> Tuesday, July 6, 2010

i’m here.
here is a funny word
knows no distance but speaks of closeness and
patient persistence.
here sighs and mumbles in vain,
always remembering that love, that joy, that peace, that happiness
that fire....eternal intense fire
that keeps them here.
keeps them close.
knowing that they will never leave.

i’m here.
here sings the blues while playing sweetly on a hand carved
spanish guitar, caressing black lines on a creased and worn white hope
with tears of expectancy and pain,
wondering when the notes played will change.
here, plays those same notes the birds sing, while
beating their wings, filling the air with the scent of flying free
but here adds it’s own twist, capturing late night conversations
and turning 'i miss you’s' into melodies lovers can dream to,
whispers through curly connections of the day when here will also fly free
meanders through the night as the spanish guitar sings, and sings, and sings
sings the blues to the blue midnight.

i’m here.
gazing into the searching midnight
the last notes fading ,
here passes the dark with reminicings of
earth shattering merges
and the smell of salty dew on freshly loved flesh.
replaying intellectual musings while one lay on white fluffy pillows
and one on heaving chest.
star light, start bright first star i see tonight...
each dying ball of light mark here’s yearning calendar
sparkling off the months, days, hours, and time until here is
breathing in sweetly inhaled, exhaled air again.

i’m here.
here, never leaves. doesn’t know how
here doesn’t let go. here knows no limitations
even as the door closes
here becomes love’s bodyguard
silently calling, loudly waiting,
never too far away to come back.
here is unassuming, what you see,
memories of what you smelt, tasted, and felt
is what you get, it’s your’s until the end of time.
the greatest poet
communicating through unwavering lines
spoken words of support and understanding
unspoken words of wonder and open eyed gazes
at such beauty,
pink impressions on white healers speak
‘you’re perfect just the way you are’

i’m here.
here is a funny word
knows no distance
but speaks of closeness and
patient persistence.
comprehends that time is an enemy to all,
but love is everlastingly joyful.
and when here reaches that joy
even if for 5 minutes of an eternity
here will sing of the love, peace and happiness achieved
and will forever resonate through the hand carved spanish guitar
‘and should eternity end
and start all over again, even then....’
...i’m here.
written to cactus blue by acoustic alchemy.


apostaday: the end

>> Wednesday, June 30, 2010

it is finished. 

the end of the june blogging challenge.
i would like to thank and for coming along for the ride and taking up the challenge as well. it has been fun and it definitely has been real. i've learned soo much about myself and my mind through this challenge and will share once i come back from my week long blogging vaycay (trust me, it's well needed)

so fellow bloggers and readers, thanx for all your comments and well wishings, and i will see you beautiful people in a week.


apostaday: race

>> Tuesday, June 29, 2010

nostrils flaring. breaths coming out in short spurts.

looking around i realize i'm not the only one, many swooshing elbows form a perfect line, many sweat beads create a shimmering pool of passion, pride, helplessness and certain uncertainty. as i run, memories and thoughts flash through my mind as experiences and opportunities fly past barely kissing my cheek. first loves, first kisses, first words, first secrets, first intense bonding, first musical notes, first cries, first serene contemplations and first hates are like cloud wisps in the sky, beautiful but barely noticeable.
we're all in this race of life.
racing to finish.
who will be the first to die?


apostaday: love

>> Monday, June 28, 2010

of all things that should stress you out.... love shouldn't be one of them.
of all things that stress you out.... love stresses you out the most.
of all the


apostaday: closure and freezies

today was good day, but also a hard day.
i came to the conclusion that closure might be overrated.
i also came to the conclusion that sometimes eating a jumbo freezie can give you run belly.


apostaday: does it hurt?

>> Saturday, June 26, 2010

do you ever feel like your life is one big mistake? one big fall down an endless staircase?


apostaday: TGIF

>> Friday, June 25, 2010

....i apologize to the vegetarians.


apostaday: smile awhile...

>> Thursday, June 24, 2010

'how often we smile depends on how wide open our eyes are'


apostaday: temptation suck

>> Wednesday, June 23, 2010

temptation sucks. lately i've been battling with something i thought i didn't have to battle with anymore, it's been affecting my dreams, molesting my thoughts and creeping up on my senses as if to prove to me it still has a hold on my body. and a few times i've given in...(and for those of you wondering, it's not sex, i'm still

but today as i read matthew chapter 4 v 1-11, i was reminded of something. Jesus was tempted too. weak, tired, and hungry, he was tempted 3 times, but he never gave in. and that gives me hope. no matter what temptation comes my way, the courage, strength and surety that Jesus had, i also have. i am no longer a slave to anything, nothing holds me, nothing controls me, i don't have the right to use the excuse 'i'm only human' (which by the way i hate!). i can stand against whatever is trying to prove it's point by tormenting me.

torment me all you want, but like an annoying beetle i can flick you off and cut of your head (zombie reference...i just had to).

i can stand.
*heavy sigh of relief*


apostaday: twinkle, twinkle little scar

>> Tuesday, June 22, 2010

looking into mirrored glass
gives no answers, only more asked
questions of who i am in your sight
big , colourful cover ups, cover all my inner scars
some created by me and some by falling stars.

they fell so brightly, you see
those falling stars
falling from darkness to earth
tumbeling, continually as to call attention
to their glittery promise of self
they looked like beauty

beauty fell right into my open hands
not the saviour i expected, but i accepted,
and so finding myself
i had to touch, stroke and hold close to me
seering my sin into my skin
now a constant reminder to look down
when purity looks at me....

your purity looks at me
looks intently at me
removes the mirrored glass
removes my colourful cover ups
and stares affectedly at my inner scars,
and falling stars burned into my skin
become beauty marks
tales of where i've been
throbbing to the inate music of the forgiven


apostaday: loss for words

>> Monday, June 21, 2010

currently my present seems to be made up of quick one liners and random thoughts. seemingly gone are the days when i wrote pages of opinions and thoughts, poems and articles. now. it's. just. this.

where have you gone?
are you going to come back?
if so, when?
do you want me to plan you a party in the meantime?


apostaday: birthday shoutouts and apologies

i was doing sooo well too! but i am about a half and hour late on my sunday posting, my excuse: it was my cousins birthday and we were celebrating...will you forgive me? and let me finish the challenge?

'never forsake the family you love, everyone else can fall off.'



apostaday: nine words women use

>> Saturday, June 19, 2010

Nine words women use...

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying....well, we won't go there!

9.) Don't worry about it, I'll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.Then you RUN!'s funny how incredibly true these are.


apostaday: TGIF

>> Friday, June 18, 2010


apostaday: showers and such

>> Thursday, June 17, 2010

today was a hectic day. matter of fact yesterday was a hectic day also. and to add to the hectic atmosphere already created, tomorrow and saturday will also be hectic days. my friend is getting married. i am her maid of honor, and her bridal shower is on saturday. enough said.

as i am typing my fingertips are screaming out to me hateful words, like murder and frostbite. creating centerpeices for 8 tables wasn't the bad part, it was wrapping the 40 individual take away gifts as extravagantly as possible (equipped with a mini thank you pic of the bride herself), which has my body exhausted. not to mention the running around and shopping i and another bridesmaid had to do. but all in all it was worth it, she will be so surprised and delighted at the beauty of the set up.

these past few days have rekindled 3 joys inside of me.
event planning,
event decorating,

'take a picture and call it beauty'


apostaday: finish the sentence

>> Wednesday, June 16, 2010

would it be horribly awkward and out of line if i told you...(that i still really miss you)
 i asked my friends to finish this sentence, here are their responses...

*that your breath smeels like poo
*that you have a booger on the edge of your nostril
*i masturbate sometimes
*that your feet smell
*that you're kind of always on my mind
*that you are crazy
*that once i was laughing so hard i pooed in my car
*that you're my aunt and also my sister

ROFL...gotta love my friends.
now it's your turn, leave me a comment and finish the sentence


apostaday: my short story

>> Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Write a brief bit of fiction using the prompt "late."  via

like every other time, she was too late. that seemed to be the curse that followed her through life, late for school which cost her the window seat, late for work punctuated by the stares from her boss greg , late for dinner which awarded her the scrawniest chicken leg, and now late for this.
she stood as an 'i'm over being embarrassed' sigh escaped her lips. 'tomorrow i will do better' she thought to herself as the yellow puddle of urine seeped and puddled around her feet.

tomorrow she promised herself, she will make it to the bathroom on time.



apostaday: a bowl of love

>> Monday, June 14, 2010

when my sibilings were younger they supremely named the side dish of steamed cabbage 'love'.
we still call it that today.
anyone want to share a bowl of love with me?


music monday: sho baraka 'word'

such a banger. windows down. other drivers mad. so loud.


apostaday: you look like an idiot

>> Sunday, June 13, 2010

i will never understand people's convictions or lack of. more than that i will never understand people's rationale when it comes to right and wrong, and the need to lie (which is hilarious since i am an ex-liar myself)

if you firmly believe that what you are doing is right, why lie about it?
why go through all the deliberate skany motions, why not do your business out in the open, if you really have nothing to hide. it makes no sense to me.
guilt. that deer in the headlights look you get when you lie and lie confident the other party is as much of an ignorant fool as you, only to be headed off by evidence of your buffoonery. guilt only shows up when you know you are doing something that is not kosher, guilt tells you that you need to be shady, that you need to cover it up and lie about it, that you need to come out looking like a heediot because more often than not that is the end result.

smh...i will just never understand it. if you believe what you are doing is right, why spend hours and weeks defending your behavior? you know why you spend hours and weeks defending your behavior? because you know you are/were being a damn fool for your actions, and the feeling isn't even down deep in your heart, it's written all over your face. i guess the conclusion of my ranting is; just be true to yourself and to your motives, if you know you're being shady don't act like you aren't in the wrong and you're so surprised you got caught. even if you get caught, stand up for yourself and be accountable for your stupidity, and when you're feeling guilty realize that is because you are doing something idiotic and it will only make you look idiotic in the end.

end of rant.


i sent out a mass text to my friends and 2 ex's to see their response to the question 'what is something you will never understand' are some of their answers...

* i will never understand why animals can understand humans so well, and we are incapable of understanding the things they try to say to us

*women, just women in general

* the existance of God & why women in unpleasant situations continue to have children

* i don't think there is anything that God won't reveal an answer to, if you look hard enough for it. except for those topics that God did not mean for man to comprehend-- like sudoku


apostaday: touch me

>> Saturday, June 12, 2010

the lives that we touch are as numerous as the grains of sand on the beach. each look, each smile, each frown, each passing word of disgust or encouragement results in fingertips stroking breathing skin. cell connecting to cell.


apostaday: arachnaphobia anyone

>> Friday, June 11, 2010


apostaday: anonymous lives

>> Thursday, June 10, 2010

synonymous with being forgotten
laid to rest before one’s time,
Nameless faces living nameless lives
As many as the grains of sand, they fall through the crack
Without making a sound
Unsigned lives,
their signatures faded from memory even before the ink dried.

Every day people, facing everyday lives
but every day people don’t make it back alive,
they are born, but breathe unidentified,
with faces resembling images in the mirror
laughing, smiling faces captured in every picture
they are you and I

Yet you and I
smile and walk by
looking in the fading eyes of those unknown
the flickering light of life succumbing to the darkness,
we cringe and turn away,
but we can’t help look back at the poor unfortunate soul
only to find that the wind has come and blown,
as mysterious as they have begun, only a shadow exists to tell of what was
and what was is no longer….

Unnamed they are bear your name
Mysterious they bear evidence to the mystery of life
Why I survive and you die....
Exceptional people in unexceptional lives.

Anonymity, excellence’s greatest disguise.


apostaday: model dreams

>> Wednesday, June 9, 2010

As a kid, what job did you dream you'd have as an adult? What job do you have now? via

when i was a little girl, i really wanted to be a runway and print model. i dreamed about it and practiced my little heart out. spending hours in front of the mirror i practiced keeping a straight face, smiling without showing all my teeth, flirting with the 'camera', looking bored and answering my interview questions.

and then someone told me i was too short to be a model. and i convinced / lied to myself that good things come in small packages.

now i don't have a job.

but i have a mean walk.


apostaday: whomp whomp

>> Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait painted by a very famous artist.
She told the artist, "Paint me with 3- karat diamond earrings, a large diamond necklace, glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful red ruby pendant."
"But ma'am, you are not wearing any of those things."
"I know," said Mrs. Johnson.
"My health is not good and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewellery..."


apostaday: sadly...

>> Monday, June 7, 2010

i miss my happiness.


music monday: rhema soul 'steez'

this is definitely one of my new favorite songs...let's see how long it takes for them to become my new favorite group.

if you wanna hear more from Rhema Soul, youtube them or download their mixtape here


apostaday: a little tongue anyone

>> Sunday, June 6, 2010

one of my many bad habits is chewing my tongue. 99% of the time it's done when i am in deep concentration doing some kind of work with my hands like braiding hair or writing an essay etc... so i spend a lot of time nursing a swollen and bruised tongue because i really go at it.

and what's really gross is if it's quiet enough you can actually hear me chewing my tongue..

i try to stop it when i catch myself doing it, but the minute i digress back into my glazed eye state, the mouth starts to working again. do i really want to stop? not really, it soothes me in a way that extra and bubbalicious will never be able to do. but i will try and chew quieter from now on.


apostaday: true love is...

i know, i'm a few minutes last on my a post a day blog, that's what happens when you leave to the last minute...i am not bowing out however...i can do this! (i just need to blog earlier in the day, that's all)

' To truly love someone else means to accept him or her as is - the good with the bad, the strong along with the weak, the honest intertwined with the dishonest. the only way i can do this is by accepting myself the same way ' - not my words, but i wish they were


apostaday: how to stop office gossip

>> Friday, June 4, 2010

i have no words for this...


apostaday: i love you chris

>> Thursday, June 3, 2010

What affect has a child, whether yours or someone else's, had on your life? via

one of the many reasons why i am thrilled that my ex smooth and i have remained close friends is because of christopher aka chris. he has become one of the many loves in my life and has inspired me above and beyond my prior dreams.

smooth's parents are foster parents, and they constantly have new children coming in and out of their lives, and when i saw the positive impact a loving family can have on a damaged child it really opened up my heart to the possibility of being a foster parent myself. when smooth and i were talking about getting married and beginning our own family it was not even a question whether or not we would be foster parents or adoptive parents, especially since he works as a caregiver for mentally challenged adults.

but when i met chris who came to them when he was just a baby, i fell in love with the little native indian boy with chubby cheeks, and watching him grow into something beautiful and smart and loving and rude cemented my hope and my dream as a foster parent. our latest adventure quite recently was me crawling around on the floor with him playing 'boo'

as a child of God, it is my duty to do whatever i can to help those in need, to sacrifice my comfort to make others comfortable. it breaks my heart to see children thrown away by their parents, as believers in a God of love, let us show love to those who need it.

chris, i love you and i thank you for being who exactly who you are.
smooth, thank you for sharing your family and your experiences with me, i love you.


apostaday: zombies and soca

>> Wednesday, June 2, 2010

'You have an opportunity to move to one of two locations (same price for each): A large condominium downtown in a big city, with plenty of amenities and all that downtown has to offer; or a farm (or ranch) with acreage, with gorgeous scenery, in the country with your nearest neighbor three miles away. Where will your moving truck be taking you?' via

i am a city girl, always have been and always will be. born in kingston jamaica, i hate anything named country for anything longer than a brief visit. memories of visiting st. catherines for my grandfathers wake and funeral has scarred me for life, right beside the scars from the duppie (ghost) stories i used to hear, and the screams ringing in my ears from driving along the skinniest roads overlooking the massivest drop a life has ever seen. with a night blacker than black itself, sounds coming from holes in the ground and from the trees hanging over my head, fireflies that look like eyes staring into your being, no electricity and OUT HOUSES (vomiting), no thank you!

give me the city anytime. loud  noises, loud cars, is like lullaby music to me. pollution, dirty streets, crowded crosswalks, amazing restaurants, extreme personalities, night being interrupted by the neon lights of entertainment, cars blasting soca and reggae at all hours of the in the most annoying ways. city life, yes please!

and honestly, i watch horror movies, most notably zombie movies, i'm not risking a 'gorgeous' scenery for a zombie or a psychotic killer with a chainsaw meandering through my kitchen like 'honey i'm home'


apostaday: my love hate relationship with challenges

>> Tuesday, June 1, 2010

honestly i don't even know what to write right now. i thought i had an idea, and it was a good idea, but like a typical woman i changed my mind.

this is the first day of the june blogging challenge, where a few bloggers along with myself will be blogging everyday for the month of june, and i am drawing a complete blank....sigh

do you guys have any suggestions? what do you want me to blog about for the month of june? should i blog about a specific topic or just randomness? please let me know and save me from the uncertainty of my own thoughts :)

here are the other bloggers taking part:
*ms.minnie aka 'rockin' @ and
*tha unpretentious narcissist @
*jay karnell @
* anjuan thomas @
* beauty nobility @
check them out and see what the month of june has to bring...oh btw are you in?


voluntary semi-starvation

>> Tuesday, May 25, 2010

a new week, new randoms, and new opportunities. though last week may have been great, it's time for us to move on.

last week i fasted and it was great! hard, as it puts your body under subjection by denying it what it needs, but it enriches and strengthens your spirit, because you indulge it in what it needs most...God.
so i feel good, my relationship with my heavenly father is getting stronger and stronger, it blows my mind how much things have changed since i posted my update on my old blog it's been like 4 months, but feels like a lifetime.

saturday night was the icing on the cake! my younger brother and i went to a youth/young adult meeting called 'exodus' and God was sooo huge in that place, the worship was amazing, but the word...OMG...the word was what pushed it over the edge.  the message by glenn bodansky aka white tyrone was on the keys that lock the doors of the devils work out of your life and unlocks the doors of God's amazing work in your life and the lives around you...right!? was great. (if you want more info on the speaker or the message hit me up via email or messenger)

here is a few of the songs the worship team sang, that can give you a glimpse into my excitement :)

during the above song, at the part he says 'lift my hands and spin around', this little girl, 4-5 years old starts spinning at the altar until she fell in pure was such a beautiful example of the joy and childlike spirit God gives us.


worthy of a second look

>> Tuesday, May 18, 2010

this is a list of some things that make me look twice, whether with a smile or with a 'wth?'

* extremely bow legged people
* a good looking man or woman
* grown people with braces
* gorgeous shoes
* ice cream
* people with long toenails
* girls with moustaches
* guys who look like girls
* people taking the bus in head to toe name brand
* drivers picking their nose
* girls with trashy weaves
* street preachers
* pregnant women
* men that look pregnant
* cute children
* good looking parents with ugly children
* street performers
* freakishly tall people
* midgets with big behinds
* men that look like pedophilles
* couples making out
* people that look like their pets
* people unashamed of God
* very black skinned people in black clothing
* white people with 'i didn't feel like washing my hair' dreads (see above picture)
* unibrows
* babies that look old
* women who don't wear their size
* men with womanly hips and broad shoulders
* white people in winter jackets, shorts and sandels
* obese people eating obese food


breakfast of champions

>> Monday, May 17, 2010

such a beautiful monday morning. i actually like mondays, especially since i stopped working because it offers a relax from my normally hectic weekends. but this week is going to be awesomely interesting, brooklyn asked me to go on fasting with him from today until sunday, so as i tweeted earlier my time on social networking sites such as twitter and facebook will be limited as my focus will be getting closer to God and his word. but there is always a way to reach me if you want to

yahoo: browynskyn
skype: la.muah

but i will also be here, i'm aiming for a post a day, maybe two who the meantime have an awesome monday!


have you ever been walking down the street....

>> Sunday, May 16, 2010

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.


giving, taking, and the pain inbetween

>> Friday, May 14, 2010

as a natural born giver, i'm starting to notice that i give alot more than i take, and honestly i want to be able to do some more taking.
for example, my sister, i honestly believe this girl is allergic to the government taxi, she will call me all hours asking her to drive her all about the place, it's gotten to the point when i actually dislike driving.
and my mother, always asking me to do so many things for her, but if i ask her something that will make my life easier, it usually is an automatic no...i know you gave birth to me and all, but it's about time you got over that and moved on.
as a christian, i am called to love above and beyond myself and in the attitude of Jesus, but sometimes i feel as if i am the only one that is doing that. i'm often left with the thought 'i'm sacrficing my comfort for you, but who is doing that for me?'....and sometimes there are crickets.
but God reminds me that i'm not loving to be loved, i'm not giving in order to take, everything i do is for the beauty of God's way to shine through human ugliness and my ugliness sometimes.

if my fellow christians were all following the words and example's of Christ, no one would have a chance to feel like i do. because we would all be living our lives to make each other's lives easier, that's what it is about: living your life in a way that makes other people's lives around you easier. so if i am sacrificing my comfort for you, and you are sacrificing your comfort for me, in the end both of us will be comfortable. that's why it's called scarificing, because more times it hurts to do it, and you have to give up something in order to fulfill the task, whether it's time, money, your plans, your space etc...

but unfortunatley we live in a selfish world, and everyone is out for themself.

but, i'm not everyone, and although i feel like i am doing all the giving, it really is better to give than to recieve, i need to sparadically remind myself that i'm not loving, and giving and doing for man to see me and applaud me, but God's heartbeat is the one i want the world to hear, not my own.



>> Friday, May 7, 2010

what do fridays really mean? for some it's the ending of common sense and the beginning of stupidity... until monday.


dirty vagina's

>> Wednesday, May 5, 2010

someone: my vagina hurts
my mom: because it needs to bathe
me: *DEAD!!!!!*


27, under arm odor and urine

>> Tuesday, May 4, 2010

yayyy, as many of you know i am now 27!
and to celebrate this joyous event, here is a list of my dislikes.

*camel toe
*the urine smell of a bathroom
*chocolate skittles
*boots with shorts/skirt and a tank top
*pointy toe nails
*dodo breath
*washing dishes
*stupid drivers that talk on their stupid phone while cutting me off
*writer's block, especially while tweeting
*performing for unappreciators of poetry
*under arm odor
*the smell of raw fish
*having to wear clothes
*guys trying to pick me up while driving a mini van
*interrupted sleep especially by the 2 females in my family
*my contacts molesting my corneas
*the inate need for more twitter followers
*men that sag their skinny jeans
*ginger beer
*wash out
*peeing while a guy i like is standing by the door

TAG you're it!!!!!
i wanna know what are your dislikes :)


who wouldn't want one of these?

>> Friday, April 16, 2010


stroke of genius

>> Sunday, April 11, 2010

sooo, i was driving home one night and had the most amazing idea!!!!

instead of sirens, what if police cars played the theme to 'COPS'? picture are crusing on the highway and you see a car speeding unreasonably fast, close behind that car you see the flashing lights of a police car, but you hear the undeniably cool beat of inner circle's bad boys...tell me you wouldn't be bumping to it....the driver in the speeding car would be bumping hard to that too.

let me know what you guys think...


a love ostentatious

>> Wednesday, April 7, 2010

this poem was very intense for me to write, at one point i had to stop and cry...i mean really cry....enjoy

A love ostentatious
like a million raindrops
fall to the earth in shapes of delight, passion and pride
prancing on globes painted with the lives and thoughts of men
you smile flirting with my heart
you dance, in vain attempts to pull me into your romance
you write poems of everlasting love and raging jealousies
catching my eyes with a million pen strokes not defined by time
scribing out my name as it falls unheeded to the ground
in shapes of love, needs and wants
your want of me

like the indigo wind blowing through
trees of roses and honeysuckles
wants an audience of one
bending the atmosphere to your fragrant breath
mighty gusts of adoration
cause strands of hair to flow around the frame
of my face, our face
and you take a picture
name it beauty
and show it off to your father
claiming me before the world knew me

but I knew you not
and so a love ostentatious
like a million raindrops
falls to the earth in shapes of pain, desire and intense fire
a cross
carried on your back, in vain attempts to
garner my attention
as I gaze on worldly affections
a cross
carried on my neck,
brightened dark colors sparkle in darkened states
as I cry out to truth, not knowing the curses I cried were for you
and in response you rise towards the sky unashamed in your love for me
exposed to the spittle of stank breath
like a million raindrops
bending my will to your ocean of tears
drowning me in currents of mercy, grace, and acceptance
I look up at you
shocked and slightly amused at such an expression of I love you….

my salty trail causes strands of hair to stick to my face, our face
like the green grass surrounded by a million raindrops
falling to the ground in shapes of eternity, cravings, and forgiveness
your thunder claps at my pleas of repentence
bending my will to your affectionate kiss
mighty gusts of adoration
accompany our dance
and swept up in your arms
you take a picture of our joy manifested
and name it beauty
and show it off to your father
and he smiles
and writes in the fabric of time
about your ostentatious love for me

a million raindrops: salvations journey

April 6, 2010…


five year old arrested

>> Tuesday, March 16, 2010


  © Blogger template Simple n' Sweet by 2009

Back to TOP