apostaday: temptation suck

temptation sucks. lately i've been battling with something i thought i didn't have to battle with anymore, it's been affecting my dreams, molesting my thoughts and creeping up on my senses as if to prove to me it still has a hold on my body. and a few times i've given in...(and for those of you wondering, it's not sex, i'm still celibate...lol)

but today as i read matthew chapter 4 v 1-11, i was reminded of something. Jesus was tempted too. weak, tired, and hungry, he was tempted 3 times, but he never gave in. and that gives me hope. no matter what temptation comes my way, the courage, strength and surety that Jesus had, i also have. i am no longer a slave to anything, nothing holds me, nothing controls me, i don't have the right to use the excuse 'i'm only human' (which by the way i hate!). i can stand against whatever is trying to prove it's point by tormenting me.

torment me all you want, but like an annoying beetle i can flick you off and cut of your head (zombie reference...i just had to).

i can stand.
*heavy sigh of relief*

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voluntary semi-starvation

a new week, new randoms, and new opportunities. though last week may have been great, it's time for us to move on.

last week i fasted and it was great! hard, as it puts your body under subjection by denying it what it needs most...food, but it enriches and strengthens your spirit, because you indulge it in what it needs most...God.
so i feel good, my relationship with my heavenly father is getting stronger and stronger, it blows my mind how much things have changed since i posted my update on my old blog it's been like 4 months, but feels like a lifetime.

saturday night was the icing on the cake! my younger brother and i went to a youth/young adult meeting called 'exodus' and God was sooo huge in that place, the worship was amazing, but the word...OMG...the word was what pushed it over the edge.  the message by glenn bodansky aka white tyrone was on the keys that lock the doors of the devils work out of your life and unlocks the doors of God's amazing work in your life and the lives around you...right!? OMG....it was great. (if you want more info on the speaker or the message hit me up via email or messenger)

here is a few of the songs the worship team sang, that can give you a glimpse into my excitement :)



during the above song, at the part he says 'lift my hands and spin around', this little girl, 4-5 years old starts spinning at the altar until she fell in pure joy..it was such a beautiful example of the joy and childlike spirit God gives us.

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giving, taking, and the pain inbetween

as a natural born giver, i'm starting to notice that i give alot more than i take, and honestly i want to be able to do some more taking.
for example, my sister, i honestly believe this girl is allergic to the government taxi, she will call me all hours asking her to drive her all about the place, it's gotten to the point when i actually dislike driving.
and my mother, always asking me to do so many things for her, but if i ask her something that will make my life easier, it usually is an automatic no...i know you gave birth to me and all, but it's about time you got over that and moved on.
as a christian, i am called to love above and beyond myself and in the attitude of Jesus, but sometimes i feel as if i am the only one that is doing that. i'm often left with the thought 'i'm sacrficing my comfort for you, but who is doing that for me?'....and sometimes there are crickets.
but God reminds me that i'm not loving to be loved, i'm not giving in order to take, everything i do is for the beauty of God's way to shine through human ugliness and my ugliness sometimes.

if my fellow christians were all following the words and example's of Christ, no one would have a chance to feel like i do. because we would all be living our lives to make each other's lives easier, that's what it is about: living your life in a way that makes other people's lives around you easier. so if i am sacrificing my comfort for you, and you are sacrificing your comfort for me, in the end both of us will be comfortable. that's why it's called scarificing, because more times it hurts to do it, and you have to give up something in order to fulfill the task, whether it's time, money, your plans, your space etc...

but unfortunatley we live in a selfish world, and everyone is out for themself.

but, i'm not everyone, and although i feel like i am doing all the giving, it really is better to give than to recieve, i need to sparadically remind myself that i'm not loving, and giving and doing for man to see me and applaud me, but God's heartbeat is the one i want the world to hear, not my own.

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