love day #18...the end of love

>> Tuesday, October 19, 2010

i am bowing out of this months blog a day challenge, i haven't been giving it my 100%  and i need to re-evaluate my love of blogging, should i fight to rekindle or let it pass....

leave me your thoughts and i will see you soon.

losts of love to those that will finish, you guys are amazing! keep it up :)

love you all! Muah!


love day girls..

smart girls are rarely smart when they are dating the man of their dreams. ls


love day #16...rekindle the love?

>> Monday, October 18, 2010

at what point do you give up on something you love, or use to love.
what if you want to love it again, do you do whatever you can to rekindle that flame? or do you leave it alone? is that a situational situation, where people differ from objects or hobbies? or is all love the same?
do you hold on to your love of ice cream as fervently as you hold on to your love for your significant other.

i say all of this becasue i need to decide if i shoulr hold on to my love of blogging, or if it like other things was just a passing phase.

this is an interesting topic, i feel the need to revisit it.


love day

>> Saturday, October 16, 2010

'to truly love someone is to admit the possiblity of failure and to love inspite of it' la moi


love day #14....everyone's love story

>> Friday, October 15, 2010

a few days ago, i was in the dollar store, and an older east indian woman caught my eye and my attention. she wasn't good looking by any means, and i would even call her ugly, i stared at the wedding ring on her finger and the stands of grey hair and the thought was spoken to me 'she has a love story that no one will ever know.' and that really opened my eyes to everyone around me... everyone has a love story.

the people that we see on the road, randomly passing in and out of our lives, the ones we mistreat because we have a bad day, the ones that mistreat us, and the ones we don't give a crap about...everyone has a love story. a defining love story, one of pain or one of happiness.

since that epiphany, i have been seeing people in a whole new light. let's see if that ephipany changes the way i interact with others.


love day #13...keeping it real though...

>> Thursday, October 14, 2010

i'm sick.
really sick. snot running, head aching, eyes burning, body shaking sick.
i'm pretty sure snot got into my nose as i was wiping it.

but keeping it real though....the one thing i love about being sick is the weight i lose from not eating.
i'm just sayin...

what do you guys love about being sick.


love day #12...let me remind myself

>> Wednesday, October 13, 2010

i'm not in a very love mood tonight.
i'm very pissed right now.
thanx dad. *kiss teet*

let me remind myself...'i am love'
                                      'i am love'
                                  'i am love'


love day #11...a chance at love.

>> Tuesday, October 12, 2010

the idea [of love] and the reality [of love] are very different. beautifully so, or horribly so it like everything else deserves a chance... LS

what does that even mean.....?


love day #10...*deuces*

>> Monday, October 11, 2010

when someone abuses the privilage of being in your life, take the privilage away..LS

love yourself enough to not be put on the shelf, to not be on hold, to not be a doormat that has the welcome stomped and worn out. love yourself enough to be able to walk away, whether it be out of pity, out of pride or out of fear. there is only one you, and you only live once, and your joy only depends on you and no one else. unconditionally love you enough to say enough is enough.

(that looks wicked when it's done with confidence)


love day's true story.

there was a dead gopher lying in the road. hit by a car, it's motionless body was broken and sad looking. who knows why it was crossing the road, but on the other side was another gopher sitting motionless. waiting for it's friend to get up. unmoving. just waiting. flight or fight, danger must have been telling it to run, but it just sat there waiting and hoping for it's friend to get up so they could continue their journey.

true story.


love day love list

>> Saturday, October 9, 2010


#1 love me
#2 love me enough to be comfortable any size that i am...even when i gain that extra booty
#3 love my bad hair days, it will force me to be my creative self
#4 love my fear, because it will make me angry enough to stomp past it
#5 love my randomness, because no one does random quite like me
#6 love my past, and accept it as only my past. it has made me who i am and i am not ashamed.
#7 love my inablity to wake up in the mornings, what can i say, God made sleep sweet
#8 love my innappropriate use of the english language, just because i say molest doesn't mean a child is in danger of being touched.
#9 love my tears, happy or sad, there are some days when i need to be emotionally cleansed
#10 love me some more.

what is on your '10 love to do' list?


love day #7...and if you don't know, now you know

>> Friday, October 8, 2010

i love vodka and crystal sue me.
...preferably the strawberry banana one.
...and if you don't know, now you know *singing*


love day can just call me lamoi

>> Thursday, October 7, 2010

what if love is not something to feel, but something to be?

because when love is wrapped up in your feelings, circumstances, situations, and bad days can and will affect the way you act and especially the way love. those around you comment 'you don't seem yourself today', your job suffers, your relationships suffer and your well being suffers. you look less like yourself and more like the miserbale old lady down the street surrounded by cats that aren't even hers.

but when you are love, when love seeps from the depth of your being, no matter what fallacies interrupt your day, love is the only way you know how to be, and so you love unconditionally. facing the world with a different, brighter, more optimistic point of view. even the most hated situations turn out for your good.

i'm trying to teach myself how to be love. how to find love and hold on to it, and melt into so that it becomes
me. i've been in that place with no love and when my love is wrapped up in good days and crapless sidewalks, it gives people power over me, it allows situations to hold my joy captive, only being joyful when i feel to love. so it's time for me to be the love. i own me. God owns me. i own my joy. i own my happiness. it is wrapped up in me.

i am love.
but you can just call me lamoi ;)


love day love life

>> Wednesday, October 6, 2010

"I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far."


love day #4...fandangle me please

>> Tuesday, October 5, 2010

 'i love big earrings! if i was eve, that's all i would wear...and some hot heels' -LaMoi

I DO! i lust love big earrings! the bigger the better. my feeble yet valid reasoning is because i have short hair, almost no hair really, so i need something to fandangle my face. you might say 'highlight' i say 'fandangle'. i'm constantly on the lookout for awesome and unique big earrings, like the ones that hurt your ears when you use the phone so you have to take them out, or grin and bear it (i grin and bear it)

my mom hates my lust love for big earrings, she thinks they are loud and vulgar and tacky, i tell her it's because she's old and doesn't understand youthful 27 year old things *shrugs* if you see any or know of any HOLLA AT ME!

and coupled with my hatred of clothes and my obsessive compulsive need for hot shoes...i'm a big earring wearing, hot heeled naked mess. and i LOVE it!



love day #3...the love we all intensify

>> Monday, October 4, 2010


love day #2...a new definition

>> Sunday, October 3, 2010

i've been struggling for the last 15min to write about this months which is weird because i'm sooo in love with love and the concept of it! the fact that we have the ability and capacity to have an intense emotion about someone or something (like the mini cupcake in my hand...if i could i think i would marry it) blows me away. so then why is it so hard for me to write a blog post about it. maybe it had to do with the conversation with sweet thing that ended abruptly because he was annoyed by me, rather something i said...i guess it affected me because i love him.

that awkward couple moments brought a lot of thoughts to my mind, but this one thought in i really love him? how do i know? couldn't it be just my heart using me as pawn because it's bored?

i think i need to re-evaluate my definition of love, like seriously, because hurt, stupid circumstances, and stupider past relationships has skewed my vision and impacted my definition of love...just a TAD bit.
so i guess this month will do just that, help me redefine love, what it is and what it's not. who deserves it and who doesn't? when is it mine to give and when is it mine to take away?

but one thing is for sure....i sure do love my mini cupcakes (cue wedding bells).

Love you all! *MuAh*


love day #1: my eternal struggle

>> Saturday, October 2, 2010

this is the poem i wrote and performed oct 1, 10. in a flurry of anxiety, fear, and sadness...pain was there too. i hope you feel what i wrote.

my eternal struggle

there was little girl, born in sun, and pain
birthed from the womb in the midst, hymns, and worshipful melodies
she lived happy, and loved freely,
dedicated like Samuel to the one who created her beauty,
life was grand until...

that one day, that one minute like the happenings of most life shattering things
the roof tore off her house, and just flew away
and she should have gone with it
because her childhood as she knew it was now over
forced to move away from all that kept her safe
she embarked on a journey to the land of promise
she went looking for butterflies and fairytale dragons
leaving her daddy and meeting a farmer on the way.
and at the precious age of 6 she dreamed of conquering the world
and making everyone love her,
but instead she was the one that was conquered
in that bed. in that pink room. under those covers.

kisses, hugs, grownup passionate rubs
too young to be taught otherwise
never feeling confused, because this is what she knew
the sensations seemed right
and when told to shhhhh!
she didn’t mind, because she knew that all little girls played love in the dark

but how could no one see?
how could no one see that she couldn’t even no longer sp...sp...speak

grade one to five this little girl never understood
why other little girls wanted to kiss her...too young to be taught otherwise
she accepted the love she no longer was given in the pink room.
now she was searching, eyes quietly asking ‘why don’t we play love anymore?’
because they didn’t kiss anymore
and they didn’t talk about it was like her death never happened.
life happy, love freely... not anymore

high school...all the boys loved her
wanted to score her, they reached out to touch her,
never the easy one the boys never got the best of her
but she fell in love with one, with a smooth one
who taught her love the right way
he loved her unconditionally and she wanted to marry him
but a confused heart is an unfaithful heart

and that one year at summer church camp
when a boyish she four years younger than her declared ‘i want you to be my girl’
her mouth said no! i don’t swing that way,
because she now knew that way there was hell to pay
but her heart mouthed her consent
and loving her boyfriend, this girl played body games with she
in the back the countrystyle way

all the while struggling to fall in mad love with the one
who knew her most ugly being. after all she was the daughter of his servant
and like a good PK she never even questioned if he had designed it
because she always knew that somehow, she had deserved it.

coming out to her boyfriend one thanksgiving,
a pastors son, hoping he would right her wrongs
and drag her if kicking and screaming towards the light
she made the call...
ring...ring....hello baby, i think i’m bi, and that was lie, because she knew
but he didn’t pray for her, he didn’t stand ainst her pain,
he didn’t rebuke the gain of hell and loss of heaven,
he wronged her when he loved her unconditionally
‘cool guy that’s ok, i’ll love you anyways, but i’ll be devasted if you leave me for a G’

the men she would come to know, never called her nasty
was never disgusted by her, but loved it
and wanted to see it in person after their church service

and then she realized she was alone. left in the dark room
to fend of her demons, she prayed for herself. stood with herself.
kept to herself. fasted by herself. and rebuked the sinternet by herself.
unable to tell her blood bought friends for fear of hugs lacking
genuine love and filled with shallow scriptures and tight with judgement,
fear of steps retreating to her open back, armourless absorbing words
and cold stares‘ i always knew she was like that’

at night i hate that i am that girl
at night curled up in a ball of distress
bawling out my distress in prayers and my most painful sincerety
i think God, you hate that girl too
because i’ve fasted, i’ve prayed, i’ve filled
my time with things of your design
worshipping freely, dancing in your liberty
you love me? but not enough to rid me of my love of she

so i look to paul who tells me to take off the old man like a worn out baby tee
but this tee fits too tight, stuck on my body anchored by this thorn in my side
like the woman with the issue of blood, i’ve been bleeding
i’ve been crawling, but is the crowd to loud
i think so, because i can’t hear my healing
my deliverance has been years late
i want to be 6 again, still in the sun, with my mommy and daddy
living happy and loving freely
deliverance i can’t reach. but deliverance i can achieve
found at the blade, breaking open my wrists
and letting the red redemption drain me

and even if you hate me, even if you ignore my blood stained tears
i will continue you to love you. i will continue to cry out from my infirmity
because it is death to me and you are life, so to live, i will die.
even if that means to pluck out my eyes to see only you, i will
because you are altogether lovely, althoghter worthy, altogether wonderful to me
and in this death, i will once again see heaven the way i did when i was 6
free from my love of she.

i’ve since forgiven the girl in the pink room, though we are family
only a few years older than me, i understand she was searching
for her love too. and though i am still broken, this new man will hold me together.
and one day it will be like that first death never happened.
live happy, love freely, i will once again. oct 1, 10


about time...

it felt that it's about time. for a lot of things.

one: another blog a day challenge. i did one a few months ago, and it was great! so challenging and eye opening for me, and as life will have it, it got busy, so i stopped blogging for a while. but it's time for another one. this time i will be doing a theme, and it will on love...i know it's huge and general, but that the's beauty of it.

two: i struggled with this for a while, prayed about it, cried and was scared about it, but i did it! i shared the most painful, dreadful, personal poem about myself. i basically came out to a group of people, many including my friends and a church sister...sweet thing was there to support me and i couldn't have done it without his support. i was terrfied, but i survived through it. i will be posting it, so you all can read it.

i hope all of you are doing well!
love you all *muah*


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